Silly Sporting Injuries

What use is a sportsman injured? The words chocolate and teapot do spring to mind, so you would think that with their careers relying on their bodies being somewhat functional, they would avoid getting crocked at all costs. It seems that some empty headed individuals missed the memo, and the rest are just down on their luck.

Swiss footballer works his finger to the bone 

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Footballer Paulo Diogo is certainly someone who lines up in the downright stupid camp. The industrious midfielder really worked his finger to the bone in a match in 2004 for theGeneva, Switzerland-based team Servette FC. He was so embroiled in the euphoria of providing an assist to a goal late on in a game that he found himself climbing the fence that separates the pitch from the crowd. As he went to jump down he failed to notice that the ring finger on his left hand was lodged in the fence. The weight of his daft body ripped the top of his appendage clean off.

Diogo was left writhing around on the pitch, his digit and dignity both lost to the ether. But the referee was not going to let that sort of brazen, over-the-top, indulgent celebrating slip through his fingers, no. He brandished the midfielder with a yellow card for his troubles, adding insult to injury.

Mike Tyson’s lobe blow

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Without a doubt the most famous injury on the list is the cannibalistic tendencies of boxing’s resident nut job Mike Tyson. On June 28th, 1997 in a fight that will be forever known as “The Bite Fight”, Evander Holyfield was defending his WBA Heavyweight Champion against Iron Mike.

For the uninitiated, boxing is strictly padded fist-based event. But, come the third round Tyson became so frustrated by Holyfield superiority as a boxer that he decided to throw the rule book out and play dirty, taking out his mouth guard and chomping down on a chunk of his opponent’s ear, before spitting it down on to the ring.

After a brief interlude of macho bravado and cheap shots, the bout resumed. Only for Tyson to go for round two of his ear dinner, getting an even bigger chunk of his ear. Tyson was subsequently disqualified and his boxing career, along with his life, descended into a chaotic mess of idiocy.

A slice of life in the NHL

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When a sport involves running around a very slippery (and cold) surface while balancing on two very thin strips of metal, you think health and safety would really be right there on top of the agenda. Former Florida Panthers winger Richard Zednik would certainly agree after his teammate Olli Jokinen went straight for the jugular with his right skate, slicing open the external carotid artery in an NHL match against the Buffalo Sabres on February 10th, 2008.

Zednik was one lucky Slovakian that day, as the medical team were at hand to see to him quick as a wink. As a result, he was in a stable condition as he left the arena to undergo surgery, despite leaving an astonishing amount of blood splattered across the ice.

That’s nose way to do that, Chelsea 

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Elegant American diver Chelsea Davis must have been loathing her lack of spatial awareness on one torrid day at the World Swimming Championship in 2005. She was doing a two and a half inward somersault dive (read: few spins and a splash) when she landed a little earlier than expected, schnoz first on the diving board.

It was more than just a jolt to Davis, she ended up breaking her nose in ten places, spraining her back and fracturing her cheek. She needed six weeks to recover from the injury and even longer before she could brave the springboard again. She should remember in future that jumping ‘out’ is as important as ‘up’ when it comes to diving boards.

What could David Seaman remotely do wrong?

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The award for the biggest dunce in the world of professional sport has to go to Englandand Arsenal’s prized man between the sticks, David Seaman. The plonker has managed to twice injure himself in ways so pathetic it makes the Jonas Brothers look hard.

Seaman managed to do himself in the first time reeling in a slightly larger than the average carp on a fishing trip. The sorry sausage ripped his shoulder straight out.

He probably gleefully tells that tale as one of the bravest adventures in waterside sport after the second incident, which just defies belief. Cuddled up on his sofa watching the Eastenders omninus, he decided that watching reruns of soaps was really drawing an edge. Reaching for the remote he somehow managed to break a bone in his hands.  So much for safe hands Seaman.